The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize