What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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