and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize