If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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