what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
