What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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