White coat. Heels.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
