So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
