i jhust puked up my retainher.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
