He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
