just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
