smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
