How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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