so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
