Got a toothbrush?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
