are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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