You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize