I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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