dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
