I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize