I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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