i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
