i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
