I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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