You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
