for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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