I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
