What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
