Those balls look pretty dangerous.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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