She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
