Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
