Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
