My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
