I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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