There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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