Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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