if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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