How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Shame - the story of my life.
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