I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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