Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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