i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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