Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize