I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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