I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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