This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
