He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
