A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
