the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
