She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize