I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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