Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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