My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
