Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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