I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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