he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
