Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
