I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
