I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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