if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize