tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
