Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
