sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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