Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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