Will you blow on my dice?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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