:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
