when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
