Dual....:-)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
